Top 55 Political Jokes

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Politics sometimes just seem like a joke. We vote for politicians and they don’t seem to do anything. With that in mind, check out the top 55 political jokes.

#55 – 50. Political Jokes

55. Q: Did you hear that the White House isn’t displaying it’s Nativity scene this year? A: They couldn’t find the three wise men!

54. We should’ve known communism would fail. There were a lot of red flags.

53. ‘I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I’m in a cabinet meeting’. Ronald Reagan

52. Q: What do you call a Democratic buffet? A: A free for all.

51. On my arrival in the United States I was struck by the degree of ability among the governed and the lack of it among the governing.’ Alexis de Toqueville

50. Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. “Give me your money,” he demanded. Indignant, the affluent man replied, “You can’t do this – I’m a US Congressman!” “In that case,” replied the robber, “Give me MY money!”

#49 – 40. Political Jokes

49. It’s a real shame that Barrack Obama recently had to give a speech stood behind bullet proof glass. Just because he’s black doesn’t mean he’s gonna shoot anybody.

48. Q: Have you heard about McDonald’s new Obama Value Meal? A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.

47. The winner of tonight’s election is the Voyager space probe which is currently traveling at 62,137 km per hour away from the Earth into interstellar space.

46. In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.

45. Q: What’s the difference between death and taxes? A: Congress doesn’t meet every year to make death worse.

44. Yo mama’s so dumb, she thinks socialism means partying!

43. ‘The government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it’. Ronald Reagan

42. Q: How do you know that Democrats are a diverse people? A: Because they keep count of how many people they know in each racial or ethnic category.

41. ‘In politics, absurdity is not a handicap’. Napoleon Bonaparte.

40. If Chuck Norris were president, he would protect the secret service.

#39 – 30. Political Jokes

39. Don’t steal, don’t lie and don’t cheat. The government hates competition.

38. Yo mama so old she had a wedding picture with George Washington.

37. Starbucks is offering a new drink to honor Nancy Pelosi. They call it the “fullacrapuccino”.

36. Why did President Clinton name his dog Buddy instead of Spot? Because he didn’t want people running around the White House saying, “come Spot, come Spot!”

35. I once meet a honest, caring, politician that listened when I spoke and tried to help the country. Then I woke up.

34. Q: Why weren’t the Republicans behind the verdict in the Saddam Hussein Trial a couple of days before the 2006 Midterm Elections? A: Because they were so busy fixing the price on oil!

33. Statesmen tell you what is true even though it may be unpopular. Politicians will tell you what is popular, even though it may be untrue.

32. Q: How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb? A: Three. One to hire a Mexican guy and two to deport him when he’s done.

31. The last person to enter parliament with honest intentions was Guy Fawkes on 5th November 1605.

30. The Democrats have a lot of contenders for the presidential election in 2020. This includes Anthony Weiner and Eric Holder – we are already seeing bumper stickers that say “WEINER HOLDER 2020”.

#29 – 20. Political Jokes

29. When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.  PJ O’Rourke

28. Only in Britain……do we use the word “politics” to describe the process so well. “Poli” in Latin meaning “many” and “tics” meaning “bloodsucking creatures”.

27. The government shutdown has officially lasted longer than any of Taylor Swift’s relationships.

26. You all know why the government got rid of the mafia? They don’t like completion.

25. During Britain’s “brain drain,” not a single politician left the country.

24. Today’s public figures can no longer write their own speeches or books, and there is some evidence that they can’t read them either. Gore Vidal

23. In democracy it’s your vote that counts; In feudalism it’s your count that votes. Mogens Jallberg

22. ‘Politics makes strange bedfellows rich’. Wayne Haisley

21. Q: What is the difference between Election day and Thanksgiving day? A: On Thanksgiving, you get a turkey for the day; on Election day, you get a turkey for four years.

20. Two skeletons meet, and one asks the other, “Did you die before the Social Security reform, or after?” “No, I’m still alive.”

#19 – 10. Political Jokes

19. It is so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

18. ‘Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realise that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.’ Ronald Reagan

17. Hillary Clinton isn’t taking the loss very well. So I said to her, Cheer up! At least you won’t have to work at the same desk that Monica spent so much time under.

16. When the President pushes the big red button, Chuck Norris’s cell phone rings.

15. Political T.V. commercials prove one thing: some candidates can tell all their good points and qualifications in just 30 seconds.

14. ‘In archaeology you uncover the unknown. In diplomacy you cover the known.’ Thomas Pickering

13. Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are on the same plane. The plane crashes. Who survives? America.

12. Q: What do you get when you cross a pilgrim with a democrat? A: A god-fearing tax collector who gives thanks for what other people have.

11. George W. Bush and Bill Clinton both decided to have biographies written about them. George called him “The Three Most Powerful Men – Bush, Dick, and Colon”. Bill called his “Sex Between the Bushes”

10. This year has seen the coldest winter since records began for countries in the northern hemisphere. It’s been so cold that numerous politicians have actually been seen with their hands in their own pockets.

#9 – 1. Political Jokes

9. Yo mama is so fat Donald Trump used her as the wall.

8. The word ‘politics’ is derived from the word ‘poly’, meaning ‘many’, and the word ‘ticks’, meaning ‘blood sucking parasites’. Larry Hardiman

7. A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes. Mark Twain Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.  Kin Hubbard

6. ‘You can fool all of the people all of the time if the advertising is right and the budget is big enough.’ Joseph Levine

5. Your mama’s so fat the government forced her to wear tailights and blinkers so no one else would get hurt.

4. ‘Although he is regularly asked to do so, God does not take sides in American politics.’  George Mitchell.

3. Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘Nice doggie’ until you can find a rock. Will Rogers

2. If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Instead, there would just a bunch of angry countries not talking to each other.

1.A redneck calls up the White House and tells the receptionist: “I’d like to become the next President of the United States.” The receptionist: “What are you, an idiot?” Redneck: “Why, is it required?”

Ideas for the top 55 political jokes come from the following sources.^[1]Funny Jokes – Will and Guy’s Funny Politician Jokes^[2]Unijokes – The best political joke^[3]Funny Short Jokes – Best Funny Political Joke