Top 76 Christianity Jokes

Les Listes is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.

Christianity is the world’s most popular religion. With that in mind, check out the top 76 Christianity jokes.

#76 – 77. Christianity Jokes

76. How does Moses make tea? He brews.

75. Did you know they had cars in Jesus’ time? Yup. The Bible says the disciples were all of one Accord.

74. If anyone needs an ark, I happen to Noah guy.

73. Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible? A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David’s Triumph was heard throughout the land. Also, probably a Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.

72. Q. How do we know that a lot of people in the Bible used fertilizer? A. Because they always said, “Lettuce spray.” (Let us pray).

71. Q: What do we have that Adam never had? A: Ancestors

70. Q. When was meat first mentioned in the Bible? A. When Noah took Ham into the ark.

#69 – 60. Christianity Jokes

69. Q. How does Moses make his coffee? A. Hebrews it.

68. Q: What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden? A: Your mother ate us out of house and home!

67. Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?  When Joseph served in Pharaoh’s court.

66. Did you hear about the 1-800 service they have for atheists now? You dial the number and it rings and rings but nobody answers

65. Q. Who were Gumby’s favorite Bible characters? A. Shadrack, Meshack & AhBENDago.

64. What kind of motor vehicles are mentioned in the Bible? a) Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. b) David’s Triumph was heard throughout the land. c) A Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.

63. Q: Where is the first math problem mentioned in the bible? A: When God told Adam and Eve to go forth and multiply.

62. Spotted on a church marquee: “Love your enemies; After all, You made them.”

61. Q. Where was Solomon’s temple located? A. On the side of his head.

60. Q: How do groups of angels greet each other? A: Halo, halo, halo.

#59 – 50. Christianity Jokes

59. Why couldn’t Jonah trust the ocean? He just knew there was something fishy about it.

58. What kind of car does Jesus typically drive? A Christler.

57. Why didn’t they play cards on the Ark? Because Noah was always standing on the deck

56. Where was Solomon’s temple located? On the side of his head.

55. Q: What do donkeys send out near Christmas? A: Mule-tide greetings.

54. Q. Who is the shortest person in the Bible? A. Bildad the Shuhite (shoe-height). Nehimiah (Knee-high-miah) was a close second.

53. Why are atoms Catholic? Because they have mass.

52. What’s so funny about forbidden fruits? They create many jams.

51. Q: What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth? A: Ruthless

50. Q. How do we know Peter was a rich fisherman? A. By his net income.

#49 – 40. Christianity Jokes

49. Is the chemical symbol for holy water H2Omg?

48. Q. What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? A. It’s Christmas, Eve!

47. Q: Who was the first tennis player in the bible? A: Joseph… he served in Pharaoh’s court

46. Q. Why did the unemployed man get excited while looking through his Bible? A. He thought he saw a job.

45. Q: Did you know that they had automobiles in Jesus’ time? A: Yes, the Bible says that the disciples were all of one Accord.

44. Q. Did Eve ever have a date with Adam? A. No, just an apple.

43. Who do mice pray to? Cheesus.

42. Q: Why do they say ‘Amen’ at the end of a prayer instead of ‘Awomen’? A: The same reason they sing Hymns instead of Hers!

41. Q. How do we know that cars are in the New Testament? A. Because Jesus was a car-painter (carpenter)

40. Q: Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible? A: David, because he rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep

#39 – 30. Christianity Jokes

39. What did Adam say the day before Christmas? It’s Christmas, Eve!

38. Q: Did you hear about the Dial-a-Prayer service they have for atheists now? A: You dial the number and it rings and rings but nobody answers

37. Q: Why didn’t they play cards on the Ark? A: Because Noah was standing on the deck

36. What do you get if you cross a Jehovah’s Witness and a Unitarian? Someone who goes around knocking on doors for no apparent reason.

35. Q: At what time of day was Adam created? A: A little before Eve.

34. Q: Who was the greatest male financier in the Bible? A: Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

33. Q. Why couldn’t Jonah trust the ocean? A. Because he knew there was something fishy about it.

32. Q. How can you make God laugh? A. Tell him your plans.

31. Q. Who was the fastest runner in the race? A. Adam, because he was first in the human race.

30. What do they call pastors in Germany? A: German Shepherds

#29 – 20. Christianity Jokes

29. Q. On the Ark, Noah probably got milk from the cows. What did he get from the ducks? A. Quackers

28. Who was the greatest moneyman in the Bible? Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

27. Q. Who was the smartest man in the Bible? A. Abraham. He knew a Lot.

26. Q. Where is the first baseball game in the Bible? A. In the big inning. Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.

25. Why didn’t Noah ever go fishing? He only had two worms.

24. What excuse did Adam give his children about why he no longer lived in Eden? Your mother ate us out of house and home!

23. Q. Why did Noah have to punish and discipline the chickens on the Ark? A. Because they were using “fowl” language.

22. Seen while passing by a church: “Get in touch with God by knee mail.”

21. Who was the best female finance lady in the Bible? Pharaoh’s daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet

20. Q. What’s the best way to study the Bible? A. You Luke into it.

#19 – 10. Christianity Jokes

19. Q: Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible? A: Pharaoh’s daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet

18. Q. Which Bible character had no parents? A. Joshua, son of Nun (Joshua 1:1).

17. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? Noah, because he was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

16. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?  Samson because he brought the house down.

15. Q. Why did God create man before woman? A. Because He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.

14. Q. What animal could Noah not trust? A. Cheetah

13. Q. How do you make Holy Water? A. Get regular water and boil the devil out of it.

12. Q: What do you get if you cross a Jehovah’s Witness and a Unitarian? A: Someone who goes around knocking on doors for no apparent reason

11. Q. Where is medicine first mentioned in the Bible? A. When God gave Moses two tablets.

10. Q. Which Bible Character is a locksmith? A. Zaccheus.

#9 – 1. Christianity Jokes

9. The good Lord didn’t create anything without a purpose. Mosquitoes come close, though.

8. Why do they say ‘Amen’ at the end of a prayer instead of ‘Awomen’? Same reason we sing Hymns instead of Hers!

7. Does God love everyone? Yes, but He prefers “fruits of the spirit” to “religious nuts!”

6. Q. How long did Cain hate his brother? A. As long as he was Abel.

5. Q: Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible? A: Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once

4. Q: Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy? A: The area around Jordan, because the banks were always overflowing

3. If Mary had Jesus, and Jesus was a little lamb…Does that mean Mary had a little lamb?

2. Q. Why didn’t Noah go fishing? A. He only had two worms.

1. Q: How can you tell if someone is half-Catholic and half-Jewish? A: He never misses confession but always takes his lawyer

Idea for the top 76 Christianity jokes come from the following sources.^[1]Reader’s Digest – Religious Jokes^[2]Funny Jokes – Christian Jokes^[3]memes for Jesus^[4]Thought Catalog – 42 Clean Christian Jokes That Will Make You Laugh In A Positively Spiritual Way