Top 90 Work Jokes

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Going to work every day might not be the most fun things. However, sometimes there can be funny moments. With that in mind, check out the top 90 work jokes.

#90 – 80. Work Jokes

90. I don’t work well under pressure… or any other circumstance.

89. My memory has gotten so bad it has actually caused me to lose my job. I’m still employed. I just can’t remember where.

88. If every day is a gift, I’d like a receipt for Monday. I want to exchange it for another Friday.

87. The only thing worse than seeing something done wrong is seeing it done slowly.

86. Yesterday at work, I saw someone being horrifically inefficient and told him, “Dude that is definitely slowing you down.” He replied, “Well yea it is, but I’m in the kitchen remodeling business so I’m supposed to be counter productive.”

85. A man was walking down the street and saw a sign in a store window that said “Help Wanted,” so the man ran in the store and yelled out, “What’s wrong?!”

84. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

83. People used to laugh at me when I would say “I want to be a comedian”, well nobody’s laughing now.

82. He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.

81. The Man Who Created Autocorrect Has Died. Resturant In Peace.

80. Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.

#79 – 70. Work Jokes

79. Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.

78. Here’s some advice: At a job interview, tell them you’re willing to give 110 percent. Unless you’re applying to be a statistician.

77. I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

76. I’m out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?

75. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station…

74. Team work is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else.

73. Q: What’s the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist? A: The genealogist checks the family tree and the gynecologist checks the family bush.

72. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

71. An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.

70. I get plenty of exercise – jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.

#69 – 60. Work Jokes

69. What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their necks in sand? Not enough sand.

68. Why is Christmas just like the day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

67. The boss frowns on anyone yelling: “Hey Weirdo!” He says too many people look up from their work.

66. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks

65. If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.

64. To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great Subway sandwiches.

63. Q: Why did the can crusher quit his job? A: Because it was soda pressing.

62. How do construction workers party? They raise the roof.

61. When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.

60. Nothing ruins a Friday more than an understanding that today is Tuesday.

#59 – 50. Work Jokes

59. The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to upset you.

58. If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.

57. If our boss makes a mistake, it is our mistake.

56. Feeling stressed out? Make a nice cup of hot tea and then spill it in the lap of whoever’s bugging you.

55. Someone has stolen my Microsoft Office and they are going to pay for it… You have my Word.

54. I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me, she said yes – about me taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, and doing the dishes.

53. I asked the corporate wellness officer, “Can you teach me yoga?” He said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make Tuesdays.”

52. I love pressing F5. It is so refreshing.

51. I use artificial sweetener at work. I add it to everything I say to my boss.

50. I got fired from the unemployment office on Friday. My boss said, “Clean out your desk, and I’ll see you in the office on Monday.”

#49 – 40. Work Jokes

49. When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I always write, “A very good doctor”.

48. The reason we “nod off to sleep” is so it looks like we’re just emphatically agreeing with everything when we’re in a boring meeting.

47. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

46. Team work is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else.

45. My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture. I have a hunch, it might be me.

44. Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

43. A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

42. There is a new trend in our office; everyone is putting names on their food. I saw it today, while I was eating a sandwich named Kevin.

41. Why was the lawyer skimming the Bible right before he died? He was looking for loopholes!

40. What’s the best way to make a small fortune in the stock market? Start off with a big fortune.

#39 – 30. Work Jokes

39. I always tell new hires, don’t think of me as your boss, think of me as a friend who can fire you.

38. Some people say the glass is half full. Some people say the glass is half empty. Engineers say the glass is twice as big as necessary.

37. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it.

36. We have enough youth. How about a fountain of “Smart”?

35. I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

34. My annual performance review says I lack “passion and intensity.” I guess management hasn’t seen me alone with a Big Mac.

33. What do your boss and a slinky have in common? They’re both fun to watch tumble down the stairs.

32. Being an astronaut is funny. It’s the only job where you get fired before you start work.

31. While I was out to lunch, my coworker answered my phone and told the caller that I would be back in 20 minutes. The woman asked, “Is that 20 minutes Central Standard Time?”

30. Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

#29 – 20. Work Jokes

29. Why won’t sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.

28. When in doubt, mumble.

27. When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.

26. Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

25. A thief stuck a pistol in a man’s ribs and said, “Give me your money.” The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said, “You cannot do this, I’m a congressman!” The thief replied, “In that case, give me MY money!”

24. I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

23. How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

22. What do you call a lawyer who doesn’t know the law? A judge.

21. A doctor reaches into his smock to get a pen to write a prescription and pulls out a rectal thermometer. “Oh, damn it,” he proclaims, “Some asshole has my pen!”

20. Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.

#19 – 10. Work Jokes

19. I went for an interview for an office job today. The interviewer told me I’d start on $2,000 a month and then after 6 months I’d be on $2,500 a month. I told them I’d start in 6 months.

18. I couldn’t work today because of an eye problem. I just can’t see myself working today.

17. A work week is so rough that after Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.

16. I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job, but when I got home, all the signs were there.

15. I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

14. Anything that could possibly go wrong often does – as well as a thing or two that couldn’t possibly.

13. Things really haven’t gotten worse. We’ve just improved our inter-departmental communication skills.

12. A man can do more than he thinks he can, but he usually does less than he thinks he does.

11. A new small business was opening and one of the owner’s friends arranged for flowers to be sent to mark the occasion and wish the owner luck.

10. My resumé is just a list of things I hope you never ask me to do.

#9 – 1. Work Jokes

9. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.

8. My boss says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.

7. I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

6. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

5. To err is human, to blame it on someone else shows management potential.

4. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

3. What do you call a bench full of white people? The NBA!

2. What did the psychiatrist say when a man wearing nothing but saran wrap walked in to the office? I can clearly see “you’re” nuts….

1.Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Ideas for the top 90 work jokes come from the following sources.^[1]Laugh Factory – Work Joke^[2]humor that works – 101 FUNNY WORK JOKE TO GET YOU THROUGH THE DAY^[3]Distractify – 31 Office Jokes That’ll Make Your Workday Fly By^[4]One Line Fun – Work One Liners