Top 73 Drinking Jokes

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Drinking is a great way to relax and have some fun. With that in mind, check out the top 73 drinking jokes.

#73 – 70. Drinking Jokes

73. Q: What does an alcoholic ghost drink? A: BOO’S

72. What was Osama Bin Laden’s favorite drink? A Double Manhattan.

71. What’s the cure for marriage? Answer: Alcoholism.

70. Q: How can you tell if someone Amish is an alcoholic? A: They keep falling off the wagon.

#69 – 60. Drinking Jokes

69. Q: Whats the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan? A: Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke!

68. Q: What do you get when you mix English class with alcohol? A: Tequila Mockingbird

67. Q: Why do gynecologists only drink Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer and Smirnoff Vodka? A: “Pabst Smir!”

66. Q: What does a shot of Everclear and a Woman have in common? A: Both of them make men start talking nonsense!

65. Q: Why don’t Democrats drink? A: It interferes with their suffering!

64. Q: Why are Men like coolers? A: Load them with Bud Light, and you can take them anywhere!

63. Q: What did the man with slab of asphalt under his arm order? A: “A beer please, and one for the road.”

62. Q: What do Russians get when mixing Holy Water with Vodka? A: The Holy Spirit!

61. Q: Why are Men like coolers? A: Load them with Bud Light, and you can take them anywhere!

60. Q: Where do monkeys go to drink? A: The monkey bars!

#59 – 50. Drinking Jokes

59. Q: What did the bartender say after a book walked into the bar? A: “Please, no stories!”

58. What’s Bin Laden’s favourite drink? Double Manhattan.

57. Q: Why doesn’t Simon Cowell drink whiskey? A: Because it makes him mean!

56. Q: What happens when a ghost drinks boos? A: They get sheet-faced.

55. What did the bartender say when Charles Dickens ordered a Martini? “Olive or twist?”

54. A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!” The grasshopper says, “You have a drink named ‘Kevin’?”

53. Q: How do you find a man in a bar who is sensitive, caring and good looking? A: He’s nursing a Mike’s Hard Lemonade and is acting super super gay!

52. Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar? – Because she heard the drinks were on the house.

51. Q: How can you find the guy who drank a case of Coors Light? A: He’s the one dancing like an asshole!

50. Q: What is the similarity between Michelob Ultra and having sex in a rowboat? A: They are both SO close to water!

#49 – 40. Drinking Jokes

49. Q. Why did God invent Jameson whiskey? A. So the Irish would never rule the world!

48. Q: What do Russians get when mixing Holy Water with Vodka? A: The Holy Spirit!

47. Q: How many men does it take to open a Budweiser bottle? A: none. the lady should already have it open on the table!

46. Q: How does a man show he’s planning for the future? A: He buys two cases of Miller Lite instead of one.

45. Q: What did the man with slab of asphalt under his arm order? A: “A beer please, and one for the road.”

44. Q: What do you say when you’re gonna drunk dial someone? A: Al-cohol you

43. Whats the difference between a dog and a fox? A: 2 drinks.

42. Q: Why doesn’t Simon Cowell drink whiskey? A: Because it makes him mean!

41. I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.

40. A skeleton walks into a bar and says, “I’d like a beer and a mop.”

#39 – 30. Drinking Jokes

39. Q: How can you find the guy who drank a case of Coors Light? A: He’s the one dancing like an asshole!

38. Q: How do you know a man is really really gay? A: When he’s nursing a Bacardi Breezer!

37. Q: What is the similarity between Michelob Ultra and having sex in a rowboat? A: They are both SO close to water!

36. A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender says, “What is this, a joke?”

35. Q: What do you call a man with a shot of whiskey on his head? A: A taxi. Clearly, he’s had too much liquor and is being a nuisance.

34. Q: What does a shot of Everclear and a Woman have in common? A: Both of them make men start talking nonsense!

33. Q: Why don’t Democrats drink? A: It interferes with their suffering!

32. Q: What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football? A: The sofa doesn’t keep asking for Bud Light!

31. Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

30. Q: You know what’s fun about being sober? A: Nothing.

#29 – 20. Drinking Jokes

29. Q: What’s the difference between a G-Spot and a bottle of Jack Daniels? A: A guy will actually SEARCH for a bottle of Jack Daniels.

28. Q: How does a man show he’s planning for the future? A: He buys two cases of Miller Lite instead of one.

27. Q: What did the bartender say after Charles Dickens ordered a martini? A: “Olive or twist?”

26. Q: What is a man’s idea of a balanced diet? A: A Budweiser in each hand!

25. If you ever feel depressed, drink some coffee. Expresso Expresso, no more depresso!

24. Q: What do blondes and bottle of Corona have in common? A: Their both empty from the neck up!

23. Q: Why did Mexicans create tequila? A: So ugly people would have a chance at having sex!

22. Q: Whats the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan? A: Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke!

21. Q: When do women drink alcohol? A: Wine O’Clock.

20. Q: What has eight arms and an IQ of 60? A: Four guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football game!

#19 – 10. Drinking Jokes

19. If drinking alcohol makes you an alcoholic, does drinking fanta make you fantastic?

18. Q: Why does Corona go through your system so fast? A: Because it does not have to stop to change color

17. Q: Why does Corona go through your system so fast? A: Because it does not have to stop to change color

16. Q: What did the bartender say after a book walked into the bar? A: “Please, no stories!”

15. Q: How do you start a parade in the ghetto? A: Roll a 40 down the street.

14. Q: How do you know a man is really really gay? A: When he’s nursing a Bacardi Breezer!

13. Q: What’s the difference between a G-Spot and a bottle of Jack Daniels? A: A guy will actually SEARCH for a bottle of Jack Daniels.

12. Q. Why did God invent Jameson whiskey? A. So the Irish would never rule the world!

11. Q: How do you get a computer drunk? A: A Screenshot of Tequila.

10. Q: Why did the bartender mix Pabst Blue Ribbon and Smirnoff Vodka for the gynecologist? A: She ordered a “Pabst Smir!”

#9 – 1. Drinking Jokes

9. Q: How do you find a man in a bar who is sensitive, caring and good looking? A: He’s nursing a Mike’s Hard Lemonade and is acting super super gay!

8. Q: How many men does it take to open a Budweiser bottle? A: none. the lady should already have it open on the table!

7. Q: How do you know when you really pissed off your Bartender? A: She leaves the string in the Bloody Mary!

6. Q: What do blondes and bottle of Corona have in common? A: Their both empty from the neck up!

5. Q: Why did Mexicans create tequila? A: So ugly people would have a chance at having sex!

4. Q: What is a drunk man’s idea of a balanced diet? A: A Budweiser in each hand!

3. Q: What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football? A: The sofa doesn’t keep asking for Bud Light!

2. Q: What did the bartender say after Charles Dickens ordered a martini? A: “Olive or twist?”

1. Q: What has eight arms and an IQ of 60? A: Four guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football game!

Ideas for the top 73 drinking jokes come from the following sources.^[1]Thrillist – 5 Great, Absurd Drinking Joke^[2]Jokes4Us – Alcohol Jokes^[3]Jokes4Us – Drunk Jokes^[4]Worst Jokes Ever – Drink Jokes