Top 101 Musician Jokes

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Musician are a different bunch. It is almost necessary to be a bit funny in order to be successful musician. With that in mind, check out the top 101 musician jokes.

#101 – 90. Musician Jokes

101. Q: What’s a bipolar person’s favorite type of music? A: Swing

100. 50 Cent tried to start beef with Rick Ross and he ate it.

99. Q: What did Bryan Adams say when he got a paper cut? A:Owww! It cuts like a knife!

98. Q. How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelinblindfolded? A. You don’t have to be very good to get people’s attention.

97. Why are violist’s fingers like lightning? They rarely strikethe same spot twice.

96. Why are viola jokes so short? So violinists can understandthem.

95. How do you become a millionaire as a jazz musician? Startwith two million.

94. “Mummy! Mummy! When I grow up I want to be a guitar player!”“Now Johnny, you can’t do both!”

93. What do you call a guitar player without a girlfriend?Homeless.

92. Q. What’s the difference between a dead tuba player in theroad and a dead squirrel in the road? A. The squirrel was on his way to a gig.

91. What Is The Definition Of A Cluster Chord? The 2nd ViolinsAll Playing On A ‘C’.

90. Q: Who is a tissue’s favorite rapper? A: Boogie smalls.

#89 – 80. Musician Jokes

89. Q: David Cassidy struggles with dementia. A: He was a popicon but now he’s just a Daydreamer.

88. Q: What do you call a group of musicians who can stretch outa tune? A: An elastic band!

87. Q: Did you hear about the musician who played in tune? A:Neither did I.

86. Why Are Viola Jokes So Short? So Violinists Can UnderstandThem.

85. How do you keep your violin from being stolen? Put it in aviola case.

84. Q. Why can’t you throw a banjo down a well? A. Because itgets stuck on all the accordions.

83. Q: Why didn’t the vampire bite Taylor Swift? A: Because shehad bad blood.

82. Q. What’s the difference between a tuba player and a pizza?A. A pizza can feed a family of four.

81. Q: What’s Musical and handy in a supermarket? A: A ChopinLiszt.

80. Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes? Soyou don’t have to retrain the cellists.

#79 – 70. Musician Jokes

79. What Is The Difference Between The Sound Of A Clarinet And ACat In Heat? Nothing If The Cat Is Healthy.

78. Q. What’s the difference between a musician and a savingsbond? A. Eventually the savings bond matures and starts to make money

77. Q: How did Beethoven travel around Europe? A: He took theLudwig van.

76. What’s the difference between a Porsche and a Soprano? Mostmusicians have never been in a Porsche.

75. Q: Why did Adele cross the road? A: To say hello from theother side.

74. Q: What do you call a successful musician? A: A guy whosewife has 2 jobs.

73. Q: What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated astwins? A: A pair of Re-bachs.

72. What’s the difference between a guitarist and a bassist? Theguitarist gets students and the bassist gets gigs.

71. Q. What’s the difference between a baritone sax and alawnmower? A. Vibrato.

70. Q: What do you call a musician petrified by Medusa? A: Arockstar!

#69 – 60. Musician Jokes

69. What’s the difference between a guitarist and a bank bond?One will eventually mature and earn money.

68. Q: What’s the first thing a musician says when he knocks onyour door? A: “Pizza!”

67. How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?Three: one to change the bulb, one to kick the ladder out from under her, andone to say, “I knew it was too high for you, dear.”

66. Q: How many folk musicians does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Seven; one to change and the other six to sing about how good the oldone was.

65. How Do You Know When A Soprano’s At Your Door She Can’t FindHer Key And She Doesn’t Know When To Come In.

64. Did you hear that AC/DC was killed in a plane crash earlier?Yeah, they were Thunderstruck, Shot Down in Flames, and sent down the Highwayto Hell.

63. Q: What is a Jell-O’s favorite song? A: Gettin Jiggy withit!

62. Q: What do the Bee Gees have a problem with? A: “StayinAlive…”

61. What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.

60. How Does A Young Man Become A Member Of A High SchoolChorus? On The First Day Of School He Enters The Wrong Classroom.

#59 – 50. Musician Jokes

59. Q: Why don’t they know where Mozart is buried? A: Becausehe’s Haydn!

58. A young child told his mother “When I grow up I’m goingto be a musician.” His mother responded “Well honey, you know youcan’t do both.”

57. What’s The First Thing A Bass Player Says When He Knocks OnYour Door? “Pizza Delivery!”

56. Q: What do you call a cow that plays guitar? A: A moo-sician

55. Why do you find backing singers waiting outside your house?Because they never know when to come in and if they do, they can’t find theright key.

54. Q. What’s the range of a violin? A. 50 yards if you throw ithard enough.

53. What’s the difference between a Lawnmower and a Viola?Vibrato

52. Q. How do you know the speed metal singer is at the door? A.The knocking speeds up/slows down/speeds up/ slows down…all the while hecan’t find any key, much less the right one.

51. Why Are Pianists’ Fingers Like Lightning? They Rarely StrikeThe Same Place Twice.

50. I knew Ice cube when he was called water.

#49 – 40. Musician Jokes

49. What Is The Difference Between A Trombone And A Chainsaw?It’s Still Easier To Improvize On A Chainsaw.

48. Barenboim, Levine and Mehta all went down in a plane crash.Who survived? Mozart

47. What Would A Musician Do If He Won A Million Dollars?Continue To Play Gigs Until The Money Ran Out.

46. Q: What do you get if Bach falls off a horse, but has thecourage to get on again and continue riding? A: Bach in the saddle again.

45. Q: What kind of music do planets sing? A: Neptunes.

44. Q: Why was N.W.A. so “cool”? A: Because they hadIce Cube and millions of fans.

43. What Is Another Difference Between An Alto Sax And ALawnmower? Vibrato.

42. What’s the difference between a dog and a violinist? A dogknows when to quit scratching.

41. I took a picture with REM, wanna see it?….Look thats me inthe corner.

40. Q: What’s the difference between a musician and garbage? A:The garbage gets taken out once a week.

#39 – 30. Musician Jokes

39. Q: What do hip hop artists do on Christmas? A: Unwrap.

38. Q: Why wont the Rolling Stones use a bandage? A: Becausethey are a band with no age.

37. How Do You Insult A Saxophone Player? Call Him A Bassoonist.

36. What Will You Never Say About A Banjo Player? “That’s TheBanjo Player’s Porsche.”

35. Q: What did Demi Lavoto say to the doctor? A: I think I’llhave a heart attack.

34. Why Would Anybody Want To Be On The Last Chair In The FluteSection? To Keep The Oboe Player Company

33. What Happened To The Guy Who Fell Through A Harp? He Is InThe Hospital. Rooms 25 To 40.

32. Q: What do you call a public park named after Drake? A:Aubrey Plaza.

31. “Where In Heck Have You Been ,” Shouted The Father. “I Had AGig!!” Answered The Son.

30. How Many Basses Does It Take To Screw In A Light Bulb? ItAlternates Between One And Five.

#29 – 20. Musician Jokes

29. There Were Two People Walking Down The Street. One Was AMusician. The Other Didn”T Have Money Either.

28. Q: Why do bands tour the most in the summer? A: So they canvisit all their kids.

27. Q: What do you call a male quartet? A: Three men and atenor.

26. What Do You Call Two Guitarists Playing In Unison?Counterpoint.

25. How Many Organists Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb? Two. One To Change The Bulb And One To Complain That The Switch Doesn’t Have AnyCombination Pistons.

24. Q: What do you call a singing vegetable? A: Elvis Parsley.

23. Q: What’s the definition of an optimist? A: A musician witha mortgage.

22. What’s The Similarity Between A Drummer And A Philosopher?They Both Perceive Time As An Abstract Concept.

21. Q: How many bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in alight bulb? A: Two. One to screw it in, and one to complain that it’selectrified.

20. Why Is Playing An English Horn Solo Like Wetting Your Pants?Both Give You A Warm Feeling But No One Cares.

#19 – 10. Musician Jokes

19. How many vocalists does it take to screw in a bulb? None.They hold the bulb over their head and the world revolves around them.

18. What’s the difference between a guitar player and a largepizza? A large pizza can feed a family of four.

17. Q: What does Eric Clapton and a cup of coffee have incommon? A: They both suck without Cream.

16. Q. What’s the difference between a violin and a viola? A.Violin burns hotter, viola burns longer.

15. How Do You Get A Violist To Play Something ‘Pianissimo Tremolando’?Mark It Solo.

14. How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb?One to change it and 5 to sing about how good the old one was

13. Q: How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?A: Twenty. 1 to hold the bulb, 2 to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guestlist.

12. Q: What do you get when you cross a rapper and a popularcartoon? A: Thugs Bunny.

11. How did Johnny Cash die? He didn’t see the train a comin.

10. Q: What do you call a bunch of musicians in a hot tub? A:Vegetable soup.

#9 – 1. Musician Jokes

9. What’s The Definition Of A Minor Second Interval? Two SaxPlayers Reading Off The Same Part.

8. Friend: Is it nice outside? Me: Yes, its an Ariana Grande.

7. Q. What’s the best way to keep a rock band quiet? A. Givethem sheet music

6. Q: How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?A: Twenty. 1 to do it and the other 19 to stand around and say, “I can dothat!”

5. What do you call a musician with a college degree? Nightmanager

4. What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common? Everyone isrelieved when the case is closed.

3. What did Beethoven do when he died? He decomposed!

2. How Do You Know When A French Horn Player Is At Your Door? The Doorbell Drags.

1.Q: What singer is most popular for the bees? A: Bee-yonce.

Ideas for the top 101 musician jokes were taken from the following sources.
^[1]Jokes 4 Us – Musician Joke^[2]cmuse – The Funniest Musician Joke Ever Told PART 1^[3]vredenburgh – Musician Joke^[4]red dog music – Musician joke the ultimate list!