Top 61 Programmer Jokes

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For most people, we look at programmers as practically magicians. They are able to type on their computers and develop great computer programmers. However, they can also be funny. With that in mind, check out the top 61 programmer jokes.

#61 – 60. Programmer Jokes

61. Q: What’s the object-oriented way to become wealthy? A: Inheritance.

60. The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.

#59 – 50. Programmer Jokes

59. Hardware (noun) – The part of a computer that you can kick.

58. Chuck Norris writes code…that optimizes itself.

57. 3 Database SQL walked into a NoSQL bar. A little while later…they walked out because they couldn’t find a table.

56. UNIX is user friendly…it’s just very particular about who its friends are.

55. How do you tell an introverted computer scientist from and an extroverted computer scientist? A: An extroverted computer scientist looks at your shoes when he talks to you.

54. I’d like to make the world a better place…but they won’t give me the source code.

53. “I don’t see women as objects. I consider each to be in a class of her own.”

52. If you put a million monkeys on a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program. The rest of them will write Perl programs.

51. Algorithm (noun) – Word used by programmers when…they do not want to explain what they did.

50. “I just saw my life flash before my eyes and all I could see was a close tag…”

#49 – 40. Programmer Jokes

49. Software developers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available they will create their own problems!

48. A programmer walks to the butcher shop and buys a kilo of meat.  An hour later he comes back upset that the butcher shortchanged him by 24 grams.

47. The programmer’s wife sent him to the grocery store. Her instructions were: “Buy butter. See if they have eggs. If they do, buy 10” So he bought 10.

46. Two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, “So what’ll it be?” The first string says, “I think I’ll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu” “Please excuse my friend,” the second string says, “He isn’t null-terminated.”

45. The word “algorithm” was coined to recognize Al Gore’s contribution to computer science.

44. [“hip”, “hip”] (hip hip array!)

43. Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas? Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25.

42. Q. How did the programmer die in the shower? A. He read the shampoo bottle instructions: Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

41. Have you heard about the new Cray super computer?  It’s so fast, it executes an infinite loop in 6 seconds.

40. From the Random Shack Data Processing Dictionary: Endless Loop: n., see Loop, Endless. Loop, Endless: n., see Endless Loop.

#39 – 30. Programmer Jokes

39. Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, that’s a hardware problem.

38. Two bytes meet.  The first byte asks, “Are you ill?” The second byte replies, “No, just feeling a bit off.”

37. If the box says: “This software requires Windows XP or better” does that mean it’ll run on Linux?

36. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None – It’s a hardware problem

35. What do computers and air conditioners have in common? They both become useless when you open windows.

34. Q: Why do Java programmers have to wear glasses? A: Because they don’t C#.

33. Programming is like sex: One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

32. Q: What is a programmer’s favorite hangout place? A: Food Bar.

31. My wifi suddenly stop working then I realized that my neighbors have not paid the bill. How irresponsible people are.

30. “Knock, knock.” “Who’s there?” very long pause….“Java.”

#29 – 20. Programmer Jokes

29. Debugging: Removing the needles from the haystack.

28. If at first you don’t succeed, call it version 1.0.

27. 99 little bugs in the code, 99 bus in the code, 1 bug fixed…compile again, 100 little bugs in the code.

26. Getting a red heart instead of a yellow star makes me feel like things are moving a little too fast between us.

25. A foo walks into a bar, takes a look around and says “Hello World!”.

24. Eight bytes walk into a bar.  The bartender asks, “Can I get you anything?” “Yeah,” reply the bytes.  “Make us a double.”

23. There are three kinds of lies: Lies, damned lies, and benchmarks.

22. How do you tell HTML from HTML5? Try it out in Internet Explorer. Did it work? No? It’s HTML5.

21. Why do Java programmers have to wear glasses? Because they don’t C#.

20. All programmers are playwrights, and all computers are lousy actors.

#19 – 10. Programmer Jokes

19. Programmer (noun) – A machine that turns coffee into code.

18. An optimist says: “the glass is half-full”. A pessimist says: “the glass is half-empty”. A programmer says: “the glass is twice as large as necessary”.

17. Someday, the people who know how to use computers will rule over those who don’t. And there will be a special name for them – secretaries.

16. Hide and seek champion… “;” …since 1958.

15. A SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks…”Can I join you?

14. Real programmers count from 0.

13. Programmer (noun) – A person who fixed a problem that you don’t know you have, in a way you don’t understand.

12. Chuck Norris can take a screenshot of his blue screen.

11. Q: 0 is false and 1 is true, right? A: 1.

10. The programmer got stuck in the shower because the instructions on the shampoo bottle said…Lather, Rinse, Repeat.

#9 – 1. Programmer Jokes

9. Kyle: “Dude, why is my netflix DVD out in the snow?” Ben: “Well, I heard the coolest thing on the internet right now is netflix and CHILL!”

8. The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword, and usually, the programmer.

7. Q: What do you call a programmer from Finland? A: Nerdic.

6. There are only 10 kinds of people in this world: those who know binary and those who don’t.

5. A Man from the toilet shouts to his wife : Darling, darling, do you hear me?!!!! What happened, did you run out of toilet paper? No, restart the router, please!

4. I would like to thank everybody that stuck by my side for those five long minutes my house didn’t have internet.

3. Programming is 10% science, 20% ingenuity, and 70% getting the ingenuity to work with the science.

2. Q: Why did the programmer quit his job? A: Because he didn’t get arrays.

1.A programmer had a problem. He decided to use Java. He now has a ProblemFactory.

Ideas for the top 61 programmer jokes come from the following sources.^[1]SuperJokes – Programmer Joke^[2]Hongkiat – 45 Jokes Only Programmers Will Get^[3]DevTopic – Besting Programming Jokes